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  1. Script committee1 to be ground into puree and fed to cockroaches — such glowing inanity is not fit for consumption by higher animals.
  2. Director of photography and the whole art and effects crew to get an honorary whiskey bottle for making one of the prettier films of the decade.
  3. The director to get an honorary whiskey bottle for making the best of the script written by committee and not sinking the whole thing entirely, and a barf bag — he probably needs one and deserves it.

If your movie theater of choice allows you to come in halfway through the film, your best bet is to enter at least thirty minutes late, this will make the whole experience much more worthwhile and enjoyable, and you aren’t missing out on anything. If that doesn’t help, treat the glaring incompetence of the majority of human characters and plot holes the size of an aircraft carrier as an attempt at dark humor.

In short, watch it like you would watch porn. The bits where it doesn’t have to make sense to be fun are fairly long and quite good.

  1. Ah, figures, there was a committee, that explains a lot. ↩︎